


Dreams with Donghyuck

by Princesskall



Series: My Weird Experiences With Lee Donghyuck [1]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: F/M, I'm actually crazy, I'm not a dumb bitch, IDK MAN HONESTLY I'M STILL UPSET, Multi, Not right in the beginning, OKAY SO LIKE PEOPLE DIE IN A DREAM AND I'M, also talk about bdsm, and by slight I mean a lot, but hyuck really pushes my buttons, he's the dumb bitch, it says oc but the oc is me, it's been like 2 weeks since they start, it's starting to feel more and more real, just informing you know, like real sad, no actual sex scenes or graphically talking about sex, send help maybe, there might be some slight cursing from me, these are legitimate dreams I've had, they haven't stopped, they're different from my usual dreams, this just got sad man
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-02
Updated: 2019-06-13
Packaged: 2019-06-20 10:22:28
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 13,087
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15532158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Princesskall/pseuds/Princesskall
Summary: Compilation of dreams I've been having lately that involve Lee Donghyuck. I feel like I should write them down somewhere, but I also want to share with people so here goes nothing. The setting is always the same. I'm sitting by myself outside a café and he sees me and decides to hang out with me. The conversations are always different. He's always speaking in Korean and I can fully understand him; I'm always speaking in English and he fully understands me.





	1. First Encounter

**Author's Note:**

> So I have the ability to control my dreams. A lot of the times I just allow dream!me to handle everything, but every once in a while I (aka real!me) take over and change things. These dreams are never controlled by dream!me, which is why I remember them so vividly. Also, in my dreams I usually have prosopagnosia which is the inability to see faces, but I can see his face in these ones.
> 
> This first encounter stuck with me for a while after I woke up. I thought that it was just because it felt so real and everything was so chill between me and Hyuck, but at the same time it was really weird. But then I had another one the next night, and another one the night after that, and they just kept coming. It's strange. Maybe they mean nothing.

So I find myself in control of my body, it's not like I'm looking at myself through a screen like some of my dreams start out as. I look around and notice I'm at a café. I've never seen this café before, heck I don't even like coffee so I have no reason to go to coffee places. I feel my phone buzz and I see that I got a message. The message reads, "I found a new soulmate for you. Trust me, this one's just as good as your first. It'll take a while before you meet him in person, but it's better if you knew beforehand. Love Angel." 

*Backstory time real quick*

This wasn't my first encounter with Angel. I know them. They've been around me since I was a child. They help make sure I don't get sick, I get good grades, and make sure that I don't give up and stay alive. When I first started getting really depressed (around 7), they introduced me to my current best friend and soulmate. It would take 5 years before I actually met her, but it helped me keep going, knowing that I had somebody out there that understands me and loves me for me and doesn't expect me to change or put on a mask around them.

*Anyways back to the dream*

I was really confused at first because I knew that I had another soulmate out there, and I knew that they were male, but why would I need to know about him beforehand you know. Like what was so special about him that I needed a briefing YEARS before I actually meet him. Then, Lee Donghyuck appears and sits down across from me. I thought that it was just my brain encoding my memories since before I went to sleep I was watching a fancam of him. Nope. Not at all what was happening. But I didn't know this yet.

"Hey, do you know why I'm here?" he says.

"No." 

"Oh. I don't know either. I really hoped you knew." He takes a sip of his drink. "What's your name?" 

"Kalli. Like 'Cali'fornia."

"Kalli. That's really pretty." he smiles. I melt a bit inside.

"Thanks. So, why, out of everybody else here by themselves, out of all the empty tables both inside and outside, why me?" 

"I got a text telling me to sit with you. I don't know really. But considering this is a dream of mine, it doesn't actually matter why." he takes another sip.

"Wait, your dream?" he nods "No, this is my dream," I say.

"Sure it is." a slight chuckle follows.

"Listen. I'm gonna prove to you that this is my dream." I lean back in my chair.

"How so?" he smirks, I can tell that he's doubting me.

"I'm gonna end it." 

"You can't end my dream for me." 

"I'll show you." 

I snap my fingers and I wake up. It was weird but like such a chill encounter. I kept thinking about it for the rest of the day. The more I thought about it, the weirder I felt. It was like it actually happened, but at the same time, it couldn’t have happened.


	2. The Next Night

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This next night got even weirder. Let's just say, I quickly realized that the dream from the night before wasn't just a dream.

So far I hadn’t been dreaming. It had just been little moments of me surrounded by certain colors. Nothing weird so far tbh. Then I find myself back at the café. I think it’s strange because the only times I ever go back to a place that I’ve been before is in some of my really bad dreams (like nightmares but worse) and it’s usually weeks apart.

I see him walk to me and sit down. He just glares at me. I feel like he’s being really childish and rude for not saying anything to me when technically he’s the one invading my space so I just lean back and play on my phone. I can feel his glare throwing daggers into my head. I just ignore it.

“I don’t know what you are but you can’t be a real person.” he finally says.

“Oh honey. I am.” I don’t even look up at him as I say this.

“So if you’re real, how are we here?”

“Amazing question Hyuck. Why don’t you go and watch NCTmentary when you wake up. Maybe that’ll tell you.” I finally look up at him and let’s just say I’m very sassy and that had all that sass in it.

“So you’re saying our dreams are synchronized?”

“Exactly. Now that we’re done--”

“No. How can our dreams be synchronized? Are we in the same time zone?” I can tell that he’s not satisfied with that answer.

“No. Though it doesn’t actually matter where I’m at. All that matters is that we’re both asleep at the same time. Even if it’s just for a few minutes that cross. Dreamland is very unique. A few minutes out there can feel like hours in here.”

“I know. But I don’t want to believe it.”

“Let’s say this isn’t real. Let’s say this is just a figment of your brain-- my brain…. It’s crazy either way you think about it. There’s really no explanation for it.”

“There really isn’t.” We sit in silence for a few minutes. “Give me your hand.”

“What? Why?” I ask, and yet I still do it without an answer.

“You feel real. You feel like an actual person. Like this is happening in real life.”

“I can see your face.”

“What?”

“I usually can’t see people’s faces in my dreams, but I can see yours.”

“So this is--” his phone rings.

As he looks to see who is calling him, I feel myself leaving. “Hyuck I’ll see you later, okay?”

“What do you--” before he can finish or I explain what’s happening I wake up.

But this isn’t where this story ends. After I wake up, I check the time and see that it’s 7AM. Great, old asscrack of dawn in the morning. I decided to just go back to sleep. I felt that that was the best plan for me. So I go back into Dreamland and it’s back with the colors. Until it isn’t and I’m back at the café. Like, I know I said later but this isn't what I meant. Hyuck smiles at me.

“Welcome back. They told me you would be back, but I wasn’t expecting it to take this long.”

“Who told you?”

“That’s not important. But I understand now.” he leans back in his chair.

“Understand what?”

“I’ll tell you when we meet." he smirks like he knows the exact day when I die. "In person.”

“Hyuck that could take years!” exasperation is all I feel in this situation.

“Why do you call me ‘Hyuck’?” he genuinely asks.

“Because it’s cute and I like it.” I say with a huff.

He smiles. “You’re cute.” he thinks.

“I’m not cute. I’m evil and you should fear me.” I cross my arms and I ~~definitely don’t~~ pout.

“I didn’t say that.” I can tell that he’s taken aback.

“Yeah but you thought it pretty loudly. Next time don’t.”

“Why not?” he smiles at me. “It’s the truth.”

“I refuse to believe that.”

“You can refuse all you want but it’s not gonna change the fact that you’re extremely cute.”

“You’re starting to annoy me.”

“And what are you going to do about it?”

“I’ll leave.”

He scoffs, “No you won’t.” He smirks.

I turn my face away, 1) because that boy is so gorgeous I would’ve melted if I continued looking at him, and 2) because I wasn’t going to deal with that sass. So I left the dream and woke up. I checked the time and it was 10AM. It was a bit better than 7 but not by much. Anyways, I was very tired for the rest of the day and I blame Hyuck for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sometimes I hate myself for ruining things. Especially after this is the second time I've left Hyuck alone. Something in me knew that this wasn't gonna end well for me.


	3. Splurbs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Because none of these were interesting enough to stand out by themselves. Mainly just highlights of the next few dreams.

**“Why are you doing this to me?”**

“So Hyuck, anything interesting happen today?”

“No not really.” he doesn’t even look up from the phone.

“So Hyuck, you wanna tell me what you know?”

“No, not really.” Why is he like this?

“So Hyuck, you wanna get punched in the face?” I’m more annoyed than angered but just like a good hit would benefit him, you know.

“No not really.” he smiles.

“Well then stop giving me lame ass answers and actually talk to me.”

“Okay.” he puts down his phone and locks eyes with me. “So Kalli, you wanna make out?”

My face turns red and he laughs. “Why are you doing this to me?” I hide my face in my hands.

“Because I like seeing the way you react.” He moves my hands away.

“Hyuck.” A warning.

“Anyways, I gotta go.” he leaves.

 

**“That stupid ‘c’”**

“Hey, Kalli. How’s it been?” he sits down.

“Have I told you how much I hate that stupid ‘c’ in your name? It doesn’t match the rules and it makes me mad cause it’s such a western thing to do why the fuck would you do that?”

“Yeah, I’m not gonna deal with this today?” He leaves.

 

**“Answers Hyuck. I need them.”**

“Hey-”

“Do you know how much it hurt me when you left yesterday?”

“I-”

“Why?” my acting is a1 man. He believes it.

“Why what?” his confusion is so cute uwu.

“Why would you tell me why you put a ‘c’ in your name instead of it just being ‘h-y-u-k’? Why does it have to be ‘h-y-u-c-k’?”

“Are you serio-”

“Answers Hyuck. I need them.”

He legitimately thinks I’m being serious. Like so much so, it’s getting real hard to keep up the act. So hard that I laugh.

“Were you just leading me on?”

“Yes.” Still haven’t stopped laugh. In fact, his reaction made me laugh harder.

“And now you’re laughing at me?”

“Exactly.” To say this is the best prank I’ve pulled is an understatement.

He sighs. I’m still laughing. He starts laughing. “I can’t believe I got played.”

“What can I say? I’m good.” I say with a shrug. My laughter has turned more into an aggressive smile.

“You’re really pretty when you smile.” complete seriousness in his face. I blush.

“I’m leaving.”

“Don’t go because I made you get all flustered.”

“I’m not I’m waking up. Something’s up on the other side. I’ll see you later.”

“Bye love.” is the last thing I hear before I leave him.

 

**“Who else do you like?”**

“Are you a fan?”

“Of course I am.”

“Am I your favorite?”

“Not at all.”

“That’s a joke, right?”

“Nope. Mark’s my main man.”

“Mark?!”

“Yeah. I love him. He’s a whole cutie.” I can feel that I’m smiling really hard and he’s disgusted by it I can tell.

“What about me?”

“You’re my second bias-wrecker.”

“Who’s your first?” he’s acting as if I’ve insulted him.

“Doyoung.”

“So Doyoung-hyung, Mark-hyung, and I are your top three?”

“Oh, no honey. I have a few more biases before you even come around.”

“Who’s your top three?”

“Mark is number 1, obviously, then it’s Ten and then Taeyong.”

“So mark is the only dream member you like enough to be your bias?” he’s genuinely interested.

“No.”

“Who else do you like?”

“Chenle and Jeno.”

“Why them?”

“Well, Chenle because of his laugh. I absolutely love it. And Jen because of his smile.”

He scoffs and grabs his drink, aggressively taking a sip.

“Are you jealous?”

“No.”

“Liar.” I reach over and shove his arm a bit.

“I’m leaving.” and very upsetly disappears.

 

**“You still upset?”**

“Hi.” very aggressive

“Hey Hyuck.” very cheerful.

“I’m too tired for that please stop.”

“You still upset?”

“Yes.” strong glare straight at me. I may or may not have laughed. He may or may not have glared at me even harder.

“Hyuck it’s fine.” I reach for his hand.

“No, it’s not.” he pulls away from me. “Why me if there’s other people you like better?”

“I don’t know.”

“Bye.”

“Bye Hyuck.”

 

**“I’m sorry.”**

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be.”

“I was really upset before I went to sleep the other night and took it out on you.” baby boy was so upset about being mean to me I’m.

“Babes, it’s fine.”

“But it’s not. I should’ve done that.”

“Hyuck. I’m used to it. Don’t worry. You didn’t hurt me.”

“What do you mean you’re used to it?” Y'all I got me a good one here. He genuinely cares about me wow.

“Long story.”

“Tell me.”

 

For the next few nights, we just talk and get to know each other a bit better. There’s a lot of joking that occurs between us and we truly are developing a relationship. Then I drop a bombshell on him.

 

**“I’ll never fall in love with you.”**

We just got done laughing at a story he told me, and he holds my hand. We look at each other and for a moment it’s as if this isn’t just a dream.

“I really like you.” he’s smiling at me so beautifully I bet this is what you see when you enter heaven. He’s legitimately an angel.

“Hyuck, I have something to tell you.” My face falls, completely knowing what I’m about to do.

“What is it?” he’s worried.

“I’m Aromantic. It means I can’t develop romantic feelings for people.” I can see the confusion just floating around in his head.

“What does that mean?”

“It means I’ll never fall in love with you.” His face falls and he lets go of my hand. “At least not in the way you might fall in love with me.”

“So we could never be together?”

“Not necessarily.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“We can have a relationship. We’re just gonna have to talk about it beforehand, maybe make some rules and establish boundaries.” I slowly just curl into myself. Like I’m just trying to become so small I just disappear from this life.

“I’m sorry.” he’s so sad I just wanna hug him but that wouldn’t have helped the situation.

“Don’t be sorry. I’m sorry. I think I should just go. Let you think about what I said. I’ll be here tomorrow.” I stand up from the chair, deciding to walk a bit before actually waking up. “Bye.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof bet y'all didn't see that one coming. Like y'all were expecting it to end happily but nope homegirl just blew up your ship with a cannon. 
> 
> But on an even sadder note. 
> 
> The next chapter is going to be what happened the next night, I have it written down I just haven't transferred it yet, BUT Hyuck said something to me a few nights ago (you will get that story later tonight probably) and it really upset me so I haven't been going back and if I find myself there I very quickly leave. He's been trying to get me to go back and he's been trying to apologize. He's been trying so hard I can legitimately hear him apologizing and asking me to come back while I'm awake. I'll also get this ringing in my ear that I usually get when somebody's talking about me or thinking about me too hard. But he broke through last night, literally. As I was going to sleep his face flashed in front of me like in those dramas where the person pushes the other against a wall and traps them with their arms and then gets real close to the other's face. Yeah like that except he said "Please" and then left. Anyway's I might upload the last few prewritten parts tonight just so I can tell the dreams as they happen.


	4. A Whole Cutie. Mom I Love Him.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two dreams where Hyuck steals my heart.

“Okay, so. I talked to them and they told me to ask you more questions about your everything. So spill everything.”

 

Have I ever been more confused than in this exact moment? Nope.

 

“What are you talking about?”

 

“Okay, so you’re aromantic right?” At least _he_ knows what’s going on, you know.

 

“Yes.”

 

“Does that also mean you’re not into sex?” I kinda see where this is going. Kinda.

 

“No. I’m aro but I’m also pansexual.” *confusion on his face* “It means as long as the person, or persons, give me consent, I’ll have sex with anybody.” I shrug.

 

“Anybody?”

 

“Anybody. I’m also into BDSM and I fall into the ‘experimentalist’ section of it, which means I’ll do anything.”

 

“Anything?” his voice got like a few keys higher out of embarrassment.

 

“Yup. I’ll try anything once and if I don’t like it, I won’t do it again.”

 

“And if you like it?” a visible gulp. He obviously wasn’t expecting this.

 

“Then it can become a part of our regular scenes.” I wink at him. He gets so super flustered it’s super adorable.

 

“Scenes?”

 

“So during BDSM, anytime you’re going into a certain headspace, whether it be that you’re going into the headspace of ‘I’m going to spank my partner’ or ‘I’m going to get tied up by my partner’ it’s considered to be a scene. Not all the times are scenes sexual but they can be.”

 

“Let’s say we’re in a scene together.”

 

“Ooo I like where this is going. Tell me more Hyuck.” I rest my head in my hands.

 

“And let’s say we’re doing something and you really don’t like it, what happens?”

 

“Well, I’ll say the safe word and the scene will stop. We’ll talk about it and if there’s anything that could’ve been changed we try it out another day. If there’s nothing to change, then we never do it again.”

 

He nods pensively. “What if you want to do something, but I’m not comfortable with it?”

 

“Well, how would you feel if I went with somebody else, who would allow me to do whatever it is you’re not comfortable with, and do said thing with them?”

 

“I. I don’t know.”

 

“And that’s fine. You don’t need to know right now. Communication is key in any relationship especially a BDSM one. That’s why I’m so into it. It’s not just chains and whips. There’s a BUNCH of other stuff than just bondage and discipline, which by the way is what BD stands for.”

 

“What’s SM then?”

 

“The company you’re under.” ba-dum-tss.

 

His first smile of the day. “I hate you.” we laugh for a bit at my lame ass joke.

 

“No, but in all seriousness, SM stands for ‘sadism’ and ‘masochism’. Sadists like to inflict the pain and masochists like receiving the pain.”

 

“Which one are you?” he takes a sip of his drink.

 

“Both.” 

 

He almost chokes.“What?!”

 

“Baby boy did I not tell you I’m an experimentalist?”

 

“Yeah but-”

 

“Exactly.” a slight pause to make sure he doesn’t choke and leave. “So, DS, right between B and M, also have meanings with each other. D stands for ‘dominance’ and S stands for ‘submission’. The dominant takes control of the scene while the submissive does whatever the dominant tells them as long as it’s in their safety range. S also stands for ‘switch’, which means that the person can either be dominant or submissive depending on the situation, the person they’re with, how they feel, et cetera, et cetera. I’m a switch so I can do whatever with anybody, literally.”

 

“Okay, I’m starting to understand now. I don’t completely get it, but it’s not too difficult to follow.”

 

“Honestly, if you want more information just research it. Go on multiple sites that talk about it and read. If you want to know where you fall in the BDSM spectrum, you can take a quiz. I suggest taking the official test but any other quiz is just as fine.”

 

“But what if, when I take the 'main quiz', as you put it, and I feel like it’s wrong?”

 

“Oh, you won’t. It isn’t a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ type of quiz. It’ll give you a statement and you have to choose how much you agree with the statement on a scale of 1 to 7, with 7 being you completely agree and 1 being you completely disagree. Then it’ll scale the main categories that it has based on how you answered the questions.”

 

“What did you get?”

 

“Well I’ve taken the quiz multiple times, I’ve made it a habit of taking it once a month. But every time I get three categories the same. I’m 100% an experimentalist, a switch, and a non-monogamist.”

 

“So you want to have multiple partners at once?” he sounds a bit disgusted but intrigued at the same time.

 

“No. Well yes, but only if everybody’s okay with it. You see, if you and I were thinking about getting together, before we even made things official, we would talk about this. We would have to set up rules that we both have to follow. There will never be a rule where I can do something but you can’t and vice-versa. Well, there will be one rule where you will be able to do something but I can’t.”  


“What’s that rule?”

 

“If you end up falling in love with somebody else, that’s fine. Because I wouldn’t want to hold you back from being with somebody who can reciprocate your feelings. But I can’t fall in love with anybody.”

 

“What if even if I want them, I still want you?” the look on his face is not unfamiliar to me but it’s difficult to describe. It’s like he’s sad but not for me or for himself. Just like general sadness. But not too sad where he looks like he’s going to cry.

 

“Then talk to that person and tell them that. If they make you decide between them and me, then you don’t need them in your life. If they’re fine with it, then that’s fine. But always make sure to communicate with them. Like I said communication is key.”

 

“I’m not very good at communicating though.”

 

“Hyuck. Honey. You’re literally always speaking your mind, talking about your feelings isn’t that big of a stretch hun.”

 

“I’m... gonna go.”

 

“Okay. Bye dear.” I send him a flying kiss just to fluster him a bit more before he leaves.

 

***The Next Night***

 

I’m having a weird dream that’s starting to turn into a nightmare. It’s just really strange, there’s some tentacle demon involved and like lava. Idk man. It’s strange. Anyways I wake up, but I’m not actually in my bed. I’m somewhere else, in somebody else’s bed. I open my eyes and it’s just pitch black so I close my eyes again. I feel a body next to me and an arm draped around me. I decide to flip over because I’m uncomfortable and maybe it’s just a figment of my imagination and I’m truly in my room just hallucinating. I drape my leg over the body and cuddle into it more because they’re warm and even if this is fake I was cold as heck man.

 

“Are you okay?”

 

“Yeah. Just had a strange dream.”

 

“This is a new place.”

 

“Yeah, but I’m not complaining. You’re warm.”

 

“And you’re cold, why are you so cold?”

 

“Idk man. All I know is that I’m gonna leach off your body heat.” I cuddle even more into him.

 

“You know what the problem is?”

 

“What?”

 

“You’re not wearing any pants and you’re barely even wearing a shirt.”

 

I focus on my body and yes he is correct no pants but I do have underwear on so it’s chill. “What do you mean ‘ _barely a shirt_ ’ this is one of my favorite oversized sleeping shirts?!”

 

“It’s not doing much to cover you.”

 

“You shouldn’t be talking.”

 

“Why not?”

 

“You sir are shirtless,” I say as I pinch his nipple.

 

“Your point is?” he rubs it to relieve the pain.

 

“I don’t know man. Let’s just sleep.”

 

“But we are sleeping.”

 

“Yeah, but we were both in the second level of Dreamland so let’s just go back.”

 

“Okay,” he says with a slight chuckle. We’re quiet for a while, just listening to each other’s breathing. And then I feel it.

 

“I gotta pee.” I just blurt out like that's a normal thing to say.

 

“Then go pee.”

 

“Nah. I can wait a bit more before I have to fully wake up.”

 

“Somehow I don’t believe you.”

 

“Sir my knee is in a very dangerous spot you wanna say that again.”

 

“Nope.”

 

“Good. Sleep time.”

 

“Sleep well, Kalli.”

 

“You too, Hyuck.”

  
I feel him shift a bit and then he kisses the top of my head. Wow, I’m not romantic at all but like that melted my heart. It’s like ‘ _People call it love while I be calling you’_ you know. Wow is all I have to say about that.


	5. Heartbreak

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Warning: Sad. Very sad. I’m sad.*

For the next two-ish nights, we talk more - we get more comfortable with each other. Our jokes are full of sass and disses. We’re like really close friends at this point. Then he takes it a bit too far. And I gave him a chance to fix it, but he ruined that too.

 

“Hey, Hyuck. How you doing?”

 

“Good and you?”

 

“I’m okay. Today wasn’t that good of a day so I’m just meh you know.”

 

“Is it your family?” I nod. “Anything I can do to help?”

 

“Not really.” I just shrug.

 

“You’re okay though right?”

 

“Yeah. I won’t do anything. Don’t worry.”

 

“Good.”

 

“Yeah.”

 

We sit in silence for a bit. I scroll through my phone, which by the way only has one ‘app’ that’s basically Instagram but the only account you follow is your brain and your brain is just uploading the memories from your day onto it. Then I see a memory pop up.

 

“Hey, do you have a twin sister?”

 

“Yeah, why?”

 

“Why didn’t you tell me about her?”

 

“I didn’t feel like that was important.” he shrugs.

 

“But I’m always talking about my family, and I barely know anything about your’s.”

 

“Why do you really even care? It’s not like your ever going to meet me, much less them without me,” he says in a low yet playful voice, like when you diss the teacher behind their back but they’re still in the room.

 

“What do you mean?” I’m a bit hurt but maybe he has a point.

 

“I mean, you’re such a homebody, I don’t think we’ll ever get the chance to meet.” he smiles.

 

“But what if I become more adventurous?” I play along.

 

“Maybe.” he shrugs, again.

 

“Stop shrugging. Your shoulders are going to fall off.” I smile at him. “I do really want to visit Korea. I feel like I’ll really enjoy my time there.”

 

“You should probably work on your Korean then.”

 

“Yeah probably. In the real world, I can’t just magically understand it.” I think for a moment. “Ooo if I learn Korean and then go to Korea, I can snatch myself a Korean boyfriend.”

 

“Thought you said you weren’t romantic?”

 

“I’m not. It’s like friends with benefits but like also dates and shit, so a boyfriend, but not really.”

 

“So you’ll play him the entire time you’re with and then just throw him away when you leave?”

 

“No. I’ll tell him what’s up. He’ll understand. And I’ll be the best part-time girlfriend he’s ever had.” I say confidently.

 

“Well in order to do that you have to be a good friend first.”

 

“But I’m the best friend anybody could ever have.”

 

“Mmm, I don’t think so.” I can tell that he’s playing so I play along.

 

“What do you mean you don’t think so? It’s the truth.”

 

“I think you should think of what you just said and then think of all the friendships you’ve ever had.” lots of circle motions with his hands.

 

“Okay let’s see.” I think for a moment. “Yup. Just as I expected, I’m the bestest friend anybody’s ever had.”

 

“I beg to differ.”

 

“What do you mean?” he’s starting to sound serious and I’m getting quite scared.

 

“Well, you could be a better friend. From what you’ve told me about some of your past friendships, I’ve noticed that you tend to be good at the beginning and then slowly become worse and worse. I don’t know why your best friend is still your best friend considering what you’ve told me has happened. Honestly, you don’t seem like the ‘bestest friend anybody’s ever had’ to me.” The entire time our eyes are locked, his tone is completely serious.

 

“Hyuck,” a pause because what am I supposed to say. It’s not a complete lie what he said but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt.

 

“Listen, you seem cool. But I’m kind of worried about what happens after you get too comfortable. I would like to be your friend if we ever meet but I don’t think our friendship would last very long with your history.”

 

“Donghyuck.” now I’m really hurt. He’s just throwing one of my biggest insecurities in my face like it’s nothing, like he’s not completely breaking my heart.

 

“I know that was a bit harsh, but it’s better if you knew how I truly felt right? Communication is key like you said.”

 

“We’re not friends.” a realization.

 

“That’s true.” he chuckles.

 

“No _Haechan_ . We’re not friends. We never will be friends. I don’t want to see you anymore.” I maybe kind and warm-hearted but when you call me a bad friend completely knowing how much it’ll hurt me because _I know_ how bad of a friend I am, my ice-cold heart freezes over even more.

 

“What?”

 

“Like you said. I’m a bad friend. So why even come here if you don’t want an actual relationship with me?”

 

“I didn’t say that.”

 

“No, but you sure did mean it.”

 

“What I meant was that--”

 

“No Haechan. I know what you meant. You spelt it loud and clear for me. We’re done here.”

 

“Kalli wait.” He grabs my arm but I pull it away.

 

“No. I refuse to listen to what you have to say. Live with the fact that you ruined this before it even started.”

 

“You weren’t supposed to take it that seriously.”

 

I scoff. “Whatever.” and I leave.

 

That day, after I woke up, was a bad day for me. I felt broken but at the same time, I felt like if I said something, people would think I was crazy. It was crazy to me how he was so sweet at first like he usually is but it quickly changed. Maybe he got too comfortable and forgot that I had limits. Maybe he was being completely serious.

 

I met him the next night just to see his explanation but it was basically “ _It was a joke. I was just kidding. I’m sorry if I hurt you, but it wasn’t meant to be that serious_.”

 

I really like him, like I still smile whenever I see a picture of him, but what he said to me really hurt. I told him how much I feared being a bad friend and how much I try to not only be a better friend but a better person overall. It’s been 3 nights since this happened and he’s been trying to get me to go back. He’s trying really hard. It’s starting to get really annoying. I’m going to hear him out, maybe he’ll redeem himself. I’d still like to try but it’ll be hard getting back to where we were. But this isn’t the first time this has happened in one of my friendships. I know I shouldn’t cause I’ll just get hurt again, but I’m gonna do it. Maybe it’ll be the best decision ever. Maybe it’ll be my biggest regret. We’ll find out.


	6. Oof

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oof.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof.

Oof, that's all I gotta say. I talked to Angel, ummm, let's just say, that, things aren't going well. Umm, saw him for like 10 seconds, not at the café like usual but in an actual dream of mine, before Angel pulled me away. Yup.

But in those 10 seconds, we made eye contact and I could tell how sorry he was.

_S_ _ometimes you_   _don't know how much you miss somebody until they're finally gone from your life._  

Maybe we'll cross paths again sometime. 

 

Maybe I'll meet him someday.

 

 

Maybe this is all a figment of my imagination.

 

 

 

Who knows at this point.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof.


	7. The Night Full of Strange Dreams

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> These are like actual dreams, like dream!me is in charge for a while until we both /realize/ and I take over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so this is an entire mess. Be prepared for a long and strange journey, my children.

**So Many ‘So’s**

SO, I’m at this all-girl boarding school, which is strange because like no. This boarding school is different from regular ones because it encourages the gay and that’s, you know, exciting. So I’m over here talking to my bae, she’s really pretty, but I can’t actually see her face which upsets me because I KNOW she’s pretty but I can’t see it for myself. Also, she’s not really my bae but she’s my bae. And so as we’re talking our friend comes over and hangs out with us and everything pretty chill. Then we get like this mission thing from the school because the school is like training us to be spies but like not really and like I have to go on the mission but my bae and our friend don’t, but like it’s chill because the mission involves the ocean and I love the ocean so it was pretty lit. 

So, I go on the mission and I have to get like a pearl(?) thing, idk, this is where it gets really weird. So a few of my classmates and I succeed at the mission. And instead of me going the same way as everybody else to get out of the water and into the school, I diverge and go through this secret entrance. The entrance leads to the hallway where my dorm is. When I enter my room, my bae is there and she’s really happy to have me back because it’s been a few days and she was worried.

So, I hang out with her and then it’s time for dinner so we go and then, right as we enter the doors to the dining hall, time skips and it’s a few weeks later. We’re in the locker rooms changing into our gym clothes until we aren’t and we’re in like dresses because it’s prom. But all throughout these time skips, our friend is like glaring at me and trying to get me away from my bae. I ignore it because it’s absolutely ridiculous. But then, my bae is talking about how people are coming up dead and how dangerous it is to be having prom while there’s a murderer at school. 

So, we enter prom and we’re just chillin’, just me and my bae. Then I have to pee, so I leave and go to the bathroom. As I enter the bathroom, our friend walks out of a stall and her hands are bloody and she doesn’t seem to notice me ‘cause the bathroom is dark. She washes her hands frantically as if she’s trying to get all the blood off her hands but completely knowing she can’t. Then she spots me and puts on her glove, I act as if I didn’t see anything because I really don’t know what’s happening. Then she walks past me and says, “Stay away from her… or else.”

So, I’m alone in a dark bathroom confused because like, “what?” you know. I go into a stall and pee, but my curiosity gets the best of me and I check the stall that she was in. In the trash bin, there was just a whole bunch of bloody paper and I get worried because what if something’s really wrong with her. Then I notice there’s a piece on the toilet lid and it has writing on it. 

So, I pick it up and I notice that it’s full of names, and some of the names are crossed out. Then I realize. She’s the killer. She’s the one that been killing people at the school. I go back into the gym and go to the main teacher involved. I’m acting as if everything’s okay until I notice that my bae and our “friend” are dancing together. I get really nervous because she’s a dangerous person, at this point she’s killed 10 people successfully (and by successfully I mean she hasn’t gotten caught). 

So, I go to the teacher and I’m like “that girl’s the murderer, I can show you the evidence but I’m scared she’ll do something.” The teacher believes me thankfully because he had an inkling that it was her but he didn’t have the evidence. He puts the building on lockdown and then I don’t remember what happens next. I think she tries to kill me but the dreams are switching and it’s starting to blur.

** More People Die Here, Sorry. **

I find myself in a room, it’s mainly bare except for the bed I’m sitting on. It’s like I’m in a void. I’m just scrolling through twitter on my computer and I come across this tweet that says, “ _ This was just an idea I had and my mom helped it come true, Thanks Chenle for-- _ ” At first I couldn’t remember what it said but as I was writing this I realized that it said “ _ Thanks Chenle for being an annoying piece of shit. _ ” The was a link attached to the tweet so I followed it and came across this movie.

It starts off pretty slow, just NCT living their lives. Then it takes a dark turn. First, it’s Jungwoo, then Yuta, then Lucas, and it just kept going until Johnny, Taeyong, Mark, Renjun, Jeno, Haechan, and Jisung were left. I didn’t understand how people were just disappearing. Then it happened to Taeyong. Tae was walking with Mark. They were on the 5th floor of a building. Then Taeyong just turned, I don’t know what he turned into, but that wasn’t the Taeyong we know and love. He attacked Mark, and Mark defended himself, like he had to every other time. 

“ _ There’s only a few sequences of this event where I would’ve made it out alive. This was one of them. Only by some weird twist of luck, Taeyong-hyung lunged at me and I dodged it. He stopped right in front of the window. I knew the only way to stop this was to…. I had to protect the younger members. I couldn’t let what happened to Jaemin happen again. So I pushed him against the window so hard it shattered and he fell. Another kill for Mark the Murderer.” _

I felt bad for Mark because even though he did kill the other members, it was out of self-defense. SM then thought it was best to lock the rest of them in an underground bunker. The staff told them to do a live a few days later telling the fans to not worry about them, that they were safe. After a few days, Mark decided that he should be the one to do the live. He started the live, and he looked really tired. He forced himself to be happy and act okay in front of the fans but I could tell he wasn’t. I kind of forgot that it was all a dream until Hyuck appeared. He interacted with Mark for a bit before going and helping Johnny make dinner for them. Mark ended the live after a while and joined the others at the table. 

They talked for a while, I could hear Hyuck hoping and praying that Mark didn’t notice the comments talking about how he killed the other members. Real!me suddenly takes over and I say out loud into the void, “Who would write this? Who would allow them to do this? What even is this?” I look around as I say this as if there are people around me that I can talk to. I go back to the tab that has twitter and I read the comments and they’re just absolutely awful. They praise the girl who did the video and it’s just…  _ awful _ .

I hear a change in scenes and I go back to the tab with the movie. I was determined to see how it ended because maybe it would actually turn out to be that they were evil robots sent by an anti to capture the members, it wasn’t. I saw the scene before me and I was surprised and upset and mad and just I don’t even know what else. The remaining members were running through a long hallway. There were concrete walls closing and an alarm blaring. 

“I told you we shouldn’t have gone out,” Renjun yells. “The managers said they would bring us everything through the tube. Why did you believe that message?”

“I don’t know. It wasn’t just a message Renjun, there were multiple messages, multiple calls. You’re the ones that decided to come with me. I should’ve just gone alone.” Mark yells back.

“And get yourself killed, yeah I don’t think so,” Johnny says. 

They stop after they get past the final door. Well, after most of them have gotten past. Hyuck seemed to have gotten stuck somewhere and was falling behind. He barely made it to the final door, and he got stuck right before he could pass it. The wall was crushing him and nobody knew what to do. This girl was really going to kill him just like that. So, I did what I had to do. I wasn’t about to watch him die, especially not like that.

I transported myself into the movie, wrote myself as a character that’s been there from the beginning just in the background. I wrote that I was the reason Mark had to go out and he rescued me before things went bad. 

“Kalli? What are you doing here?” Hyuck says.

“Don’t worry. Okay, so I need you to expand your stomach as much as possible.”

“Why?”

“Just do it. Do you want to die? Didn’t think so. Take very shallow breaths, try to keep your stomach as big as possible. Now put your hands up and as far towards us as possible. Also, turn your feet towards us and extend them as far this way as possible.”

He does as I say without question.

“Johnny, grab his arms. When I count down from 3, Hyuck, you’re going to suck everything in and John you’re going to pull hard.”

I countdown and it works. Hyuck gets out safely and nobody can believe it. He looks very scared. We go to where they were staying at and Hyuck takes me into his room.

“What are you doing here?”

“I couldn’t let you die. Even though I’m pretty sure you wouldn’t have, I just couldn’t watch that. I refused to watch that.”

“Then why not turn it off?”

“Because maybe the others would turn up alive.”

“They don’t. They’re dead in this universe. After Mark-hyung kills them, they’re dead.”

“But why?”

“I don’t know. I don’t know why she wrote it like this.”

“Somebody’s coming,” I say as I start unbuttoning my shirt.

“Why are you unbuttoning your shirt then?” he’s a bit panicked.

“Because we need to ensure that we have more time here without interruptions.” I look straight into his eyes. “Now grab my boob and kiss me.”

“What?!” More panic.

I do it for him because there isn’t enough time for us to waste talking to side characters. I grab the side of his face so he doesn’t pull away. Thankfully Mark only enters for .05 seconds, realizes what’s happening and leaves. Since Hyuck was supposed to die a few moments ago, me and Hyuck being in the room doesn’t affect the movie all too much.

“Listen,” I pull away. “I’m sorry for overreacting but you really did hurt me. It wasn’t a fucking joke. You more than anybody should know how much something like that hurts me.”

“I’m really sorry.” he looks down.

“And I forgive you.” his face lights up as he sees in my eyes that I’m being serious. “I forgave you as soon as it happened. I hate holding grudges. They’re unnecessary negativity that I don’t need in my life.”

“So does that mean--”

“No. You’re going to have to work extra hard to get back up to where you were.”

“I was afraid.”

“I know. You’re not the first person to break my heart because they were afraid.”

“You should wake up now.”

“Why?”

“There’s a shadow.”

“I know. They’ve been around for a while.”

“Are you with Ted?”

“Yes, I thought about not sleeping with him to confront them but I was afraid of what might happen so I grabbed him.”

“You shouldn’t do something as stupid as that.”

“I know.”

“Can I kiss you again?”

I was really shocked cause that was a very confident thing I didn’t expect from him, but before I could actually say anything, I wake up. I check the time and it's 5am.  _ At least it’s not 3am. _ I tried to go back to sleep but it was as if something or somebody was forcing me to stay awake. Like I was still really tired and my eyes wouldn’t stay open because of how tired I was, but there was a force beyond me that was keeping me awake and forcing my eyes open. I opened my senses to my position and realized that the teddy bear I sleep with Theodore (Teddy for short and Ted for shorter) wasn’t exactly touching me. He was next to me but I had moved (or was I moved by something) away from him. So, I grabbed him, got comfortable, and I was finally able to go back to sleep.

The next dream I remember was the explanation for the movie dream. So the girl that wrote it  _ HATED _ Chenle and wrote him as the villain. Mark was her bias so of course he was the hero. Chenle found this program where you could control people and he tried it out on Jungwoo first and it worked. He made Jungwoo ‘attack’ him and pretended to be in danger and Mark came to the rescue. Mark had no other choice but to kill Jungwoo. Chenle then pretended to be traumatized and he said he was going back home where he felt safer. In reality, he went to an apartment building near the dorms so he could control the other guys. His goal was to kill Mark, but in the end, Mark kills him and Mark is the sole NCT member left. The boys die tragic and painful deaths and it’s just overall an awful concept.

But just think about. What if sasaengs had that much power? What if what solo stans say about the members they hate came true? This is one of the worst dreams I’ve ever had but it made me think. People with money are the powerful ones in this world. People with power can do anything they want. What I really hated the most about this is that people actually enjoyed the movie. People loved the fact that the members died. And if you go to the right accounts, you’ll see it. You’ll see all of it. And it’s awful. Completely. It’s awful the things celebrities have to go through just because they’re famous. So please, remember that idols are people. Idols are not just there for you and you only. They are for the masses, but that doesn’t mean that they can’t be happy. 

I saw a comment saying that they wished they could ask Hyuck about this, but if I’m being honest, I don’t want that answer. I’d rather think that this means nothing and that it’s not real than have that be confirmed even if it isn’t. I feel like with the way idols are managed, Hyuck wouldn’t answer it truthfully. If the truth is that it’s not real and he says it, it would hurt, but it would’ve reinforced what I already was thinking. If the truth is that it’s real but he says it’s not, it would hurt even worse. No matter what the answer is, I’d like to figure it out for myself. I’d like to be the one to get the answer. Because maybe by the time I actually meet him, I’ll already know the truth. But for now, I don’t know. I’m still confused about this. Maybe it means something, maybe it doesn’t. But I can wait for that answer.


	8. I Don't Know

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> *Confused mouth sounds* *Confused hand movements*

So, okay, I know I saw him. Like I did. We talked. But I don't remember. Like something deep in my soul tells me that it happened. But my brain is telling me, "Dreams? No. That didn't happen." 

I think it's because of the evil spirit that's attached to me. He's always following me but he'll lay low for a bit and then start attacking me. It's mainly in my dreams because I'm most vulnerable in that stage. He's been appearing lately and I'm not really scared anymore of him but it's pretty scary the things he can do to try and hurt me. 

I won't update this until something major happens. We're just gonna let it sit for a moment.


	9. Lots of stuff happened

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> And I mean a lot.

Hyuck and I talked about _The Dream_ ™.

 

We knew we had to talk about it. It was weird but important. I think we grew closer by talking about it.

 

Hyuck and I talked about NCT stuff.

 

He wanted to know how much I knew and how big of a fan I was.

I know a lot and I’m a huge fan. He was super surprised at my NCT knowledge.

 

Hyuck and I talked about my recent obsession with Renjun.

 

He asked what I was recently obsessed with; I answered.

Also stan Huang Renjun, not only is he beautiful but he’s super talented. He’s an amazing singer and he may not be the best dancer in NCT _but_ he’s still a really good dancer.

 

Hyuck and I talked about my wallpaper. *Which goes with the previous one*

 

It’s Renjun’s baby picture (the one he recreated) and like he’s so beautiful and it makes me so happy every time I see it.

Then I proceeded to say “I want one like him.” I was literally uwu-ing.

“What?” confusion.

“I want a baby like Renjun.” still uwu.

“What’s that mean?” more confusion.

“Well, when I find the person I want to have children with I would like it if one of them was like Renjun, cute and Asian. Even if that means adopting a child, I’ll have one.” determination.

“Wow.” unimpressed.

“Oh suck my dick Donghyuck.”

 

Hyuck and I got married.

 

He brought it up cause he was interested and instead of telling him I showed him. It was really beautiful and I’m not an easy crier but I cried.

< **~~Fucking~~ Side ~~Fucking~~** **Note** : That ^ happened last night and **ALL DAY TODAY** Youtube has been recommending me videos about “Knowing when you’ve met  _the one”_ and “signs you’ll see when you meet  _the one_ ” and other witchy stuff about love and _The One_ ™ _._ AND ( _~~fucking and~~ _ ) as I was typing this I got an email from Pinterest about  ~~**_FUCKING_ ** ~~ **_WEDDING IDEAS_**. If this isn’t a sign, idk what is man. This is crazy. >

 

And that’s really it. Pretty eventful few nights. My friend is currently over so idk if anything will happen, but if it does it probably won’t be eventful. Filler chapters are the worst but I don’t have the energy to write any of the dreams out completely right now. Maybe I'll write out The Wedding™ in another chapter.


	10. Not A Real Update

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> But still super important.

So people have been swooning over Hyuck having blonde hair again on twitter and... like... I probably would've been too... if it wasn't for the fact that it's been blonde in the dreams... like... I've been knew... and that kinda freaks me out... cause like... damn... you know... things are starting to get crazier and crazier... like maybe it's just my Wiccanness predicting things again... maybe it's real... maybe it's a little bit of both... anyways... that's just something that I noticed today... I was truly very confused as to why people were freaking out about blonde!Hyuck... but now I understand... wow...


	11. Me doing one of those "The One" videos

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Cause it won't hurt anybody.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I started watching as a joke because they just kept popping up and I was like okay why not.

It's not a fucking joke unholy fuck.

 

So the girl who's doing the 'reading' has 4 groups of cards, all hidden under a single face-down card. I look at the piles and I keep focusing on the second group, so that's the group that I decided to go with.

 

Here's what I got: Divine Guidance, Uncertainty, Chase, Power/Lightning, Release/Relax. and the King of Cups.

 

Here's what each card means according to the girl.

 

King of Cups: There’s an instant attraction with the other person, but it’s not physical, it’s a soulful attraction. It’s going to start out as a friendship, very innocent. ( _She keeps repeating soul and soulful and I’m)_

 

Chase, Uncertainty, and Release/Relax: That person is going to be in and out of my life. Not because they don’t care or love me but because of situations they can’t change. _(Y’all I’m)_

 

Power/Lightning: When we’re together, the power will go out or flicker. _(I haven’t talked about this but there have been quite a few times where I’ll be watching fancams of Hyuck and I’ll feel a presence in my room and my lights will flicker out of nowhere. I'm not kidding. It’s crazy.)_ They will come into my life suddenly and leave suddenly just like lightning. They’re going to come into my life out of the blue.  _(I've never been more shook)_

 

Divine Guidance: We keep coming back to each other because we were meant to meet, we were meant to be together. Our souls will know that we’re each other’s other half. We will just know that we are meant to be together, without any signs. _(I’m legitimately crying right now what the fuck is my life unholy shit.)_

 

Signs: 11:11 and 4:44 on the clock when we’re together. _(As soon as she said this I fucking looked at the clock and it was 11:11 I’m)_

 

This could really just mean nothing... or it could mean everything. I don’t actually know right now. I guess the only way to truly find out is by meeting him and that probably won’t happen for a LONG time. Even if I do meet him, who knows if I’ll even be able to talk to him properly. I can only hope.


	12. I'm Going Crazy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This isn't real.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It can't be.

I fell down the youtube rabbit hole.

 

I kept watching videos from the same person as before.

 

The more I watched the crazier I felt.

 

_This can't be real._

 

Everything she said meant that it is real.

 

It's even crazier to me because I was questioning it.

 

Maybe it truly all is in my head.

 

But according to her. It's not.

 

_I'm crying._

 

_I'm crazy._

 

_This is insane._

 

After the first video, I watched one about how to know if somebody is your twin flame, because that was a thing she kept saying in the first one about the group that I chose, but since I didn't know what it was I didn't say anything. I now know what it is. It freaks me out how much it describes me and Hyuck.

 

_I can't breathe._

_I'm gonna pass out._

 

_This is crazy._

 

_I'm crazy._

 

_What the fuck._

 

A twin flame is somebody that is like an exact mirror of you, they'll make you feel things you never felt before, they might make you angry like you've never been before, they'll show you a side of yourself that you were trying to hide. But they're not exactly like you, they'll actually be the complete opposite of you personality wise.

 

I'm very quiet.

 

Hyuck is very loud.

 

I'm fine with not getting any attention.

 

Hyuck is always demanding attention. 

 

But when you're about to meet your twin flame, you'll pick up hobbies you didn't do before, you'll  ** _DREAM_** of them. Usually, when you dream of them that means you're going to meet them very soon, somewhere between a few months and 2 years. A twin flame relationship seems to be out of a romance novel or movie. It doesn't seem real. It might even seem coincidental, but it's not. You might hear a ringing in your ear when you're around them, which is a sign from your guardian angel that that is the person you're meant to be with. You'll see a lot of repeating numbers (11:11, 5:55, etc.) on clocks. The twin flame relationship is not entirely about being in love, there is a bigger purpose for being together. You're meant to change the world together.

 

_Now more than before I've been catching the time at repeating numbers (11:11) or consecutive numbers (12:34), even mirroring numbers (12:21)._

 

_Whenever I feel like he's asking me to do something (fall asleep, stop ogling dudes that aren't him, etc.) I ALWAYS get a ringing in my ear. Always. And it won't stop until I apologize for not doing the thing quick enough._

 

Then I watched a video to see if a relationship was a twin flame/soulmate/karmic relationship. I was attracted to two piles, I chose one for Hyuck (who is seeming to be my twin flame) and one for my best friend (who is my soulmate).

 

_I'm actually insane._

 

_This can't be real._

 

So the one for Hyuck, right away (like literally first card), she said that it was a twin flame relationship. If we are together, we are in the lovey-dovey stage of the relationship, and our relationship will completely unfold in **_ONE YEAR_**. If we're not together, then one or the other has a lot of admirers, and we will meet or finally get together in  ** _ONE YEAR_** _(If_ _you listen closely you can hear me crying that's so soon wtf)._

 

The one for my best friend was crazy accurate. She said that the person, at first, seemed to be absolutely perfect, but as time went by, you started to realize how wrong you were. I love her so much, but she has promised me a lot of things (simple things, I wasn't asking for an arm and a leg) that she hasn't kept and she does a lot of questionable things that she know that she shouldn't be doing and that I don't approve of and yet she still does them. But we were meant to be together. Our souls decided in heaven to meet on earth. The reason why I call Angel 'Angel' is because the first time I met them she took me up to the sky, into the clouds, to introduce me to my best friend. 

 

_I'm actually crazy._

 

Everything so far has been unreal. 

 

It makes me believe it.

 

But this was the icing on the cake.

 

The last video I watched before writing this was if I had already met  _The One™_ (which can also be your twin flame) and I almost threw my computer across my room. There were six piles and I chose the fourth one. I didn't want to choose that one but my ~~heart~~ soul told me to. Basically, yes I had already met  _The One™_ but because of our situation, we can't come out publicly. They can't say anything about us for whatever reason so we have to be secretive about our relationship. Even if we really want to let everybody know there's a distance between us that's stopping us from reaching our full potential. There's just a lot of things that are keeping us apart currently.

 

_I honestly just want to cry my eyes out._

 

I'm insane.

 

There's no way this is real.

 

This is just all coincidence.

 

It's not real.

 

My mind's just making mountains out of molehills. 

 

I really do feel like I'm going crazy. It's such a weird thing to think about. It's _crazy_  just absolutely  _crazy_ and yet all the signs are point towards reality. I knew Hyuck and I's relationship was weird. I knew that we got too comfortable too fast. It took  ** _months_** for my best friend and me to get really close. It's been just about 5 years and we've gotten a lot closer in those 5 years. Hyuck and I have known each other for 3 weeks now maybe, and not even in person, and we're just as close as my best friend and I are _now_. It's crazy. This is all crazy. I'm crazy. I don't even know how to come to terms with this. I feel like this is all a lie. I feel like if I believe this, it'll all come crumbling down real soon. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm crazy.


	13. Chapter 13

I've thought about it. I've thought about ending this here. Maybe never writing here again. But I can't do that. What's happening is absolutely crazy, and I can't just keep it inside me. I have to let it out. I need people to talk to. I'm scared of saying anything to my close friends or family because they'd truly think I'm crazy.

 

I did see Hyuck last night, but it was a wild experience for both of us. I basically had a panic attack when I saw him. I just kept repeating "I'm crazy" and "This isn't real." He tried to calm me down, but nothing worked. He tried to assure me that it truly was happening, but I didn't want to hear it. He had to wake me up so I wouldn't have to go through so much panic and have something happen to my real body.

 

I also want to add in that there's a new moon tonight. Full moons and new moons affect me very much. The moon is my protector. Maybe that's why I', having these revelations so intensely. I really do feel like I'm going crazy. It's insane. I knew I had another soulmate in this lifetime. I knew because I could feel him whenever I felt lonely. Like he was giving me hope that everything will work out soon enough. But I didn't expect this. Out of everything I've thought of, dreamed of, fantasized of,  ** _THIS_** is the thing that comes true.

 

The reason why it seems so crazy to me is because I've always known that I was meant to be with a famous singer. I've always been a really big fangirl. My mom's side of the family are big fangirls/boys and so is she, it's basically in my blood. My name is actually my parents' ship name. Everything about me screams ' **fangirl** '. I love singing and dancing so much, the reason why I got into k-pop is because they sing  _and_ dance. It was inevitable that I got into k-pop. Not because of my love for music no matter the language, but because of the fact that (before I got into k-pop) my father, who's in the military, has gone to Korea two times and he absolutely loved it there. He's brought me back a few things from Korea, which have been some of my favorite things ever. I've had multiple dreams where I've been backstage at a concert cheering on my love who was performing. I've always known. And that's whats so shocking. I've been predicting it since I was barely a teen and now that it's happening it feels surreal.

 

My journey through k-pop has been quite a mess. At first, I was a Seventeen stan. Then I got into BTS and I consider myself to be an ARMY (but according to the newbies since I'm a multi I'm not a true ARMY but whatever). Then NCT debuted, and I really didn't want to stan. I  _refused_ to stan them. I had a lot going on and I didn't want more distractions, especially from a group with unlimited members. But something kept bringing me back. And it wasn't their songs, because I like songs by other groups a lot and I don't have this deep urge to stan. Like Twice, for example, I've loved ALL of their title tracks so far, I know all the dances, and I've listened to most of their side-tracks and I really like them; but, I don't have this urge to stan them. Like I like them a lot but if you were to ask me if I was a Once, I would tell you 'no'. I wouldn't even tell you that I was Twice stan, I'm just somebody that loves and appreciates them, but I don't know enough about them to actually consider myself a stan. With NCT, it literally felt like the universe was forcing me to stan them. No matter what I did to try to avoid getting to know them, I did. I learned their names quickly. I learned random facts about them quickly. I even know their birthdays and debut dates, and I'm  _AWFUL_ with dates. I can't even remember my own birthday at times and yet I can tell you when they were born. My mom  _struggled_ with getting into NCT, while I just sailed on by. Maybe now I know why. 

 

I'll keep writing this. I'll tell you if something important happens. Even if the dreams stop, I won't end this. I've decided that I'll end this when I find out the truth. If I meet Hyuck, and if we're able to talk properly, I'll tell you guys what the outcome is. But until then, this'll just sit here, open, until I figure it out.


	14. Hi Y'all

Okay, so, if y’all haven’t noticed, I say “so” a lot.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

That’s all I wanted to say.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Bye now.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Okay but like really, Hyuck and I haven’t had too many hours that overlap with each other considering that I’ve been really busy at college. I’m in a program that has a lot of mandatory activities planned and I’ve been **_BUSY_ ** and my classes started today so there’s going to be even less hours that we have together. I’m planning on napping as often as possible because maybe we’ll be able to meet up soon. Life has been hectic but I can feel him in my heart so I guess we’re fine.

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Also, have y’all noticed that Hyuck’s been posting English lately? Even if he’s not the one translating it, he’s the one telling someone he wants it in English. I always love it when idols post in English because I feel like I (and every other international fan) am being included. AND since he posted 2 days in a row I’m gonna test something out and I’ll tell y’all how it goes. Though, I doubt it’ll work but I’ll try as often as possible. Maybe one day.


	15. haha

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ha

I'm-

 

I just-

 

Yeah.

 

I've had a few encounters with my Hyuck recently. Nothing too significant.

 

But can we talk about Drippin'? That song- I'm- I just- Yeah.

 

Also, Hyuck rapped in We Go Up. Watched that like 5 times before I noticed. I was shook.

 

mmmm..... I came here for a reason... I needed to update y'all on something... it seems like I've forgotten... hmm...

 

 ***not the thing I needed to tell y'all*** Hyuck has something up his sleeve, he won't tell me what and it kind of scares me. Like he **_KNOWS_** something and I'm just sitting in the sidelines waiting for it to happen. Scary to think about. Usually, I'm the one that knows what's up. I don't this time.

 

 ***still not the thing I needed to tell y'all*** I've talked a lot to him about BTS's and Stray Kids' recent comebacks and everything that SKZ has been putting out and mayhaps he's a bit jealous of it. I've also talked a lot about Jaemin to him because Jaemin is wrecking my life big time. I don't think he's jealous that I'm talking about other boys or even that I like other boys I just think he wants more attention and I'm not giving it to him by not talking about how great he is. He is great, and his greatness deserves to be talked about, but I'm not gonna talk about it to him. That'll only inflate his ego and we don't need an even more confident Hyuck running around.

Anyways, this has been uneventful. Things have been moving slowly. We'll see where life takes me.


	16. I'm Giving Up.

I've decided to stop fighting it. I've been questioning it ever since it first came up and I've been trying to fight it. I've been trying to not let myself believe that this is happening, that this is real. I'm going to stop doing that now. I'm just gonna let whatever is going to happen happen.

 

I kept looking for answers. I found them. They're all telling me to stop, to breathe, and to just go along with it. So that's what I'm going to do.

 

He already knows. He knows how much I'm questioning it. He knows that I've been looking for answers. He knows the answers that I've gotten. I'm just gonna give up on trying to fight this. I'm going to give up trying to avoid the situation, my destiny. I'm going to give up running away from something that's going to be good for me just because I'm scared of being hurt... or of being happy. We know what we have to do. It's scary, but we both know it'll be worth it. We just have to wait a little bit longer.

 

I finally remembered what I had to say... unfortunately, I can't actually tell you guys just yet. It's not important right now, doesn't affect me or this story _right now._ It will, in the near future, but right now it's not important enough to tell. I've just been thinking that this is crazy, but it's real. It's just really weird to think about when I've known about it all my life; I've felt it in my soul as long as I can remember. Life really does work in strange ways.

 

Today has been interesting. Lots of things have happened to me spiritually. But what really drove me to give up on fighting this, was Hyuck's message to me. I did a lot of searching, and I mean _a lot_ of searching, just to get answers. So, in the midst of all this searching, I found a website where you "draw a card" and it's supposed to have a message that your twin flame's higher self has for you. His message to me was " _When you don't understand our 3D story, just remember I want our UNION as much as you do._ " That's all the proof I needed to know that this is real.

 

But of course, I wasn't going to settle with _just_ that message. The website also provides messages from your higher self. The message I received from myself was... well... convincing to say the least. " _Surrender, this is not under your control. It's time to let go and let God fight your battles for you._ " Yeah.

 

So, I'm giving up. I'm surrendering to the unknown. I'm letting fate and destiny guide me. Whatever happens, happens. I won't fight it anymore.


	17. Boy Do I Have Plans.

So, I'm currently in college and I'm studying to be a Math Education teacher. That means that I have a TON of math classes that I have to take. Which means that it'll be pretty difficult for me to study abroad unless I were to do it during the summer. Well... homegirl found herself 2 programs in South Korea that could actually allow me to continue with my strict math schedule AND graduate in 4 years. One is during the summer and the other is for next fall semester. That 'within 2 years' time frame for when we're supposed to meet is coming up really quickly and I think I know why. I'll eventually travel to Korea, but if I end up playing my cards right, that'll happen sooner rather than later. I'm excited about it. I have to talk with my family about it before making any decisions, but it's something that I really want to do and I will hopefully be able to do it.

 

Anyways, this is just a quick life update. Hyuck and I are still talking and everything's fine. Things are just too hectic for me right now to write it all down. 


	18. It's Been A While

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A short little chapter because I got to see Hyuck after a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So usually, I speak in English and Hyuck speaks in Korean and we understand each other perfectly. But, since I had to work hard to get to him, this time around the majority of it I spoke in Korean. The Korean is in italics and I've included a translation of what was said in parentheses. 
> 
> I decided to speak in Korean because 1) I've gotten better at understanding Korean and 2) I wasn't entirely sure he would've understood me if I spoke in English. I'm still very limited in my vocabulary, so after a while, I go back to speaking in English, which means Hyuck's responses are written in English. 
> 
> I don't go into too much detail as to why I haven't been able to see Hyuck for a while, but I do give a bit of insight. It's not my story to tell so I just gave yall the basics of what was happening. There's also a little story about a dream that I had a few nights ago that involved Hyuck. I hope you enjoy this chapter!

Wow, it’s been a while. I’ve been incredibly busy, but I’m finally on my winter break and I’ve spent an enormous amount of it sleeping. It may or may not be in hopes of seeing Hyuck again. I’m sure you’ve heard by now what happened to Hyuck. Ever since my winter break started, he’s been kind of blocking me from being able to see him, BUT I was able to manage to get past that last night. It seems that he’s been really going through it for a while now and he didn’t want me to know, didn’t want me to worry. Hyuck truly is the sweetest person, and he cares about NCTzen so much that even in his dream he’s hurt. When I was finally able to get to him, we weren’t at the cafe. Instead, it was like a little lounge area in a hospital. He was sitting in a wheelchair looking out a window. To say that I really missed him was an understatement. 

 

_ “ 동혁아, 괜차나고? _ _”_ (Donghyuck-ah, are you okay?) 

 

He scoffs, _“_ _**괜차나고?** _ _”_ I could tell he was annoyed by that question. _ “ 나는 괜찮아 보이니?! _ _”_ (‘Are you okay?’, Do I look okay?!) 

 

_ “ 너무해 _ _~”_ (That was mean~), I sit down on a chair next to him pouting.

 

_ “ **너무** _ _\--”_ he sighs, _“_ _ 여기를 왜요 _ _?”_ (‘That was’--, Why are you here?”) Was he annoyed? Yes. Did he miss me? Very much so. Was he showing it? Nope. That didn’t discourage me though.

 

_ “ 너는 힘내 해야해! _ _”_ (You have to cheer up!) I say in a cute was and that broke his “I’m annoyed at you” aura. I managed to put a smile on his face with one small phrase. _“_ _ 동혁아 화이팅! _ _”_ (Donghyuck-ah fighting!) I make the signature “fighting” fist.

 

_ “ 너의 한국어 귀엽나 _ _.”_ (Your Korean is cute.) He makes eye contact with me as he says this. I hate it when people call me cute, but that, in all honesty, made me blush a bit.

 

_ “ 뭐? 나의 한국어 귀엽나? _ _”_ (What? My Korean is cute?)

 

_ “ 내 _ _~.”_ (Yes~.) He takes my right hand in his.

 

_ “ 나 귀여워? _ _”_ (Am I cute?) I place my left pointer finger on my cheek like I’ve seen many idols do before.

 

_ “ 너무 귀여워 _ _.”_ He pinches my cheeks, _“_ _ 왜 한국에서 갑자기 말하는거야? 연습 했니? _ _”_ (Very cute, Why are you speaking in Korean so suddenly? Did you practice?) He goes back to holding my hand.

 

_ “ 아니 _ ... but don’t I sound like a  _ 진짜 한국 사람 _ _?”_ (No… but don’t I sound like a real Korean person?) 

 

_ “ 아니, _ _”_ he says quickly, and harshly. (No.)

 

_ “ 너무해. _ _”_ (So mean.) :( ( <\- my exact face at that moment.)

 

_ “ 더 연습해야합니다. _ _”_ (You need to practice more.)

 

_ “ _내~.”_ _ (Yes~.) After I say that I hear my alarm going off. “Oh. Looks like I gotta go.”

 

“So soon?” he says sadly. He holds on to my hand firmly, trying to stop me from leaving.

 

“Do you know how long it took me to break down your barrier so I could see you?! You have no right to be sad.” I snatched my hand away. 

 

“But I finally get to see you after a long time.” he’s pouting. 

 

“I know, but I gotta go.” I kiss him on the cheek. _“_ __동혁아 화이팅! 힘내세요! 사랑해!”_ ( _ Donghyuck-ah fighting! Cheer up! I love you!)

 

_ “ 나도 사랑해. _ _”_ (I love you too.) is the last thing I hear before I wake up.

 

It wasn’t long, and it wasn’t much, but I got to see him, and that’s all that matters. Even if it’s all in my head, at least my head knows when to make it feel real. Before the news came out that Hyuck was hurt, I had a dream that he appeared in. 

 

I had had this dream before, one of my frequently occurring “bad dreams”. This time, however, Hyuck was there. Him being there really threw me off and I missed my chance at killing the bad guys. It wasn’t really him, just some version of him that my mind came up with, but it was him nonetheless. Because of his surprise appearance, instead of me dodging an attack from bad guy #1 out of three, we’ll call this one Knife Knight, I got cut on my arm. Usually, I dodge that attack and Knife Knight accidentally stabs and kills Boulder Boy (bad guy #2) who was standing behind me reading to grab me and crush me slowly. Boulder Boy literally makes boulders appear out of thin air and just chucks them at me. This time around Boulder Boy survives, and instead of attacking me, he attacks Hyuck. He created a boulder and rolls it towards Hyuck’s direction. And this idiot, instead of moving, stays still and thusly, gets hit with the boulder. The boulder hits his right leg and before the boulder can kill Hyuck Poison Princess (bad guy #3) uses some sort of acid-like liquid to melt the boulder away and hurt Hyuck even more. They could tell that he was somebody important to me and that they could get what they wanted through him. I’m not gonna go into too much detail about what happens because it’s very gruesome and I’d rather not. In the end, I was able to defeat them and save Hyuck, but before I could make sure Hyuck got some help I woke up because I very nearly died and had no energy to continue on in the dream. 

 

The next day I read that Hyuck got hurt, in the same place and almost the same amount of damage that I dreamt of. Maybe it truly isn’t anything, but that’s one big coincidence. Anyways, we’ll see what happens. Hopefully, in time, I’ll get some clear answers. I probably won’t update this for a while because Christmas is soon and then the New Year is happening and then I go back to my university to start my second semester. I hope you have happy holidays and an amazing start to the new year. 💜


	19. Ha 😬

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "Who's the dumb bitch now?"
> 
> "Still you honey."

So I may or may not have been calling Hyuck a dumb bitch for hurting himself. I will not confirm or deny this. BUT, if I had, only if, I may or may not have hurt myself as well and now I have to walk around in a boot and crutches. This is of course only a hypothetical situation in which I did call him a dumb bitch and Karma got me back. And if this did happen, the conversation I may have had with him might've gone something like this.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
"What happened to you?" he says laughing as I limp towards him in pain.

"Well, I rolled my ankle twice today. Hurts like a bitch even in dreams." I say sitting down, placing my right foot on the table because elevation.

"This is why you don't make fun of people and call them 'dumb bitches' or getting hurt." 

"Listen." I pause.

"Whatever you're going to say to try and save yourself isn't going to work."

"You're still a dumb bitch."

He taps my foot slightly and I double over in pain. "Who's the dumb bitch now?"

"Still you honey," I say in a very pain-strained voice. He laughs.  
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
But you see that didn't happen because I totally didn't call him a dumb bitch and I totally didn't get hurt because of it. I'm perfectly fine. Yup. That's the truth. 100%. Mhmm. 😬


	20. Update maybe

I really do think that my brain is just playing a trick on me, but anyways, there have been multiple occasions where we've met up and I think we're getting closer. I haven't actually been remembering much of my dreams lately.  I know for his birthday we "watched" a movie together, but things are starting to get blurry. I think that means our time is running out, like we have a limited amount of meetings and we're getting close to our final meeting. I don't know what'll happen when we have our final meeting, but I just hope nothing bad happens. 


End file.
